Feeling Mighty Tiny

I have decided that if I ever get to feeling too big for my britches, I should just go stand on the edge of the Grand Canyon.  It is impossible to explain to someone who has never seen it, just how big it is.  Carved out by a mighty river thousands of years ago it is a wonder to behold.  I first experienced it as a 12 year old girl.  I don't think at that age I truly appreciated it but I do know that I never forgot it.  Quiet simply, it is unforgettable.

Last week Gary and I had the pleasure of taking Lauren, Lindsay and Emily to see it.  Gary had never seen it either so it was an exciting experience for him as well.  We drove from the 100 plus degree heat of the airport in Phoenix up to Flagstaff, Arizona to spend the night.  It was pleasantly cooler there among the pines and the thunderstorms were refreshing.  The lobby of the hotel the next morning was full of bikers and hikers.  Everyone was dressed up in their trekking gear and ready to explore the beauty of this unique area.  We set out for the South Rim of the canyon in our Crown Victoria
 rent a car that we dubbed the "family truckster" in honor of the movie "Vacation".  

Emily, Donna, Lauren, Lindsay, Gary at the Grand Canyon

We decided as we neared the canyon that we would go all out and take a helicopter ride so that we could really experience the vastness of it all.  After reserving a spot we drove on up to the canyon first, and in true "Chevy Chase" style and staying true to the movie, we walked down to the edge, shot a few pictures, stared in awe and then headed back to the car, uh I mean truckster.  Unfortunately we had been greeted by some menacing bugs. Around here we call them noseeums.  (no-see-um)  If you have never experienced the unpleasant sting of hundreds of invisible bugs all over your body, you can't fully appreciate our desire to hurry and escape the little devils.  We piled back into the car and hurried off to catch our chopper.

The helicopter ride was incredible.  The girls had never been up in one before and Lauren was a bit apprehensive before we took off.  I think she was mostly worried about crashing 3 weeks before her wedding day.  Thankfully her worries were unfounded and she will still be able to wear that beautiful white wedding dress.  As we boarded and put on our earphones, we were greeted by the voice of Frank Sinatra singing "Come Fly with Me".  It took about 5 minutes to get to the edge of the canyon and the rush as we burst over the edge and the earth seemed to fall away was thrilling.   Emily road shotgun to the pilot while the rest of us were in the back.  Through the headsets we were given a narration about the Grand Canyon and some if its history.   As we flew over some brave river rafters that looked like yellow ants on a chocolate ribbon I couldn't help but wonder what it must have been like to live there as an indian.  It's a rugged terrain and life must have been very hard for them. The flight was too short but I'd do it again in a heartbeat.  If you every get the chance to experience the Grand Canyon from a helicopter, I highly recommend it.

As you can see from the pictures below, in the GRAND scheme of things we are very small.  The canyon was a good reminder to me of that fact but I don't really have to go all the way to the Grand Canyon to feel tiny.  I can simply step outside any night and gaze up into the big ole West Texas sky and marvel at how REALLY tiny I am in the universe.  Big or small, God made it all.  What a joy it is to be even a small part of it.

Hard to imaging that this goes on for nearly 300 miles.  It was a bit hazy this morning. 

From the top of the rim the river looks even smaller.  We were down in the canyon a little ways and I was using a zoom lens which makes this photo a bit deceptive.  It is over a mile deep and 277 miles long.  On average it is 10 miles across and 18 miles across at its widest point.

The Grand Canyon is one of the seven natural wonders of the world and the only one of the seven that I have seen personally.  How many have you seen, what were they and would you recommend seeing them?   

Coming Fast and Passing Slow

Life sometimes takes us by storm.  It blows in on us like the West Texas sandstorm that barraged us this week with 60 mph winds that ripped off roofs, downed lines and trees and covered highways and houses (yes houses) with blowing tumbleweeds.  It often leaves behind a mess to deal with just like my garage that was full of leaves that blew in and sand that made its way into every window and door of our home.  I swept up the leaves, vacuumed up the dirt and washed the car.  While the dust is still settling from that storm I know that as we enter the month of March, there is a promise of more wind on the horizon.  Very soon I will need to once again, sweep up the leaves, wash the car and vacuum up the dust and dirt.  It's just what we do around here this time of year.  What takes nature minutes to do, takes us days to clean up.  I find that life is a lot like that lately.  It comes too fast and it passes too slow.

"Mom, I'm pregnant."  In the time it took to Melanie to breathe those words out, life as I knew it changed.  My thoughts raced ahead as I chased after them futilely trying to just be in the moment.  Sometimes the words "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself", totally escape my mind.  I start trying to solve all the problems before they even take form.  The information of new life on the way came at me fast but the 9 months it actually takes that life to arrive is SO slow.

"May I marry your daughter?"  That one question took Thomas mere seconds to ask but once again life as I knew it has changed.  Thomas and Lauren will be marrying in what we consider a relatively short amount of time to plan a wedding.  After the proposal we shifted into an unknown gear that I'm sure is only available on the space shuttle.  Securing the church, the reception venue, and the date became an urgent task.  The dress is ordered and as it turns out in the nick of time.  We've viewed wedding invitations and discussed music.  We've worked on menus, talked to photographers and discussed  flowers and decorations.  It's an exciting time but I know that once the initial flurry slows it will pass slow as we wait for the day.

Dad has cancer.  Oh no!  Not the "C" word again.  Our lives were rocked 14 years ago with my diagnosis.  Hearing those words sort of makes everything shift into slow motion.  If you've ever walked that path you know exactly what I mean.  You wait for the diagnosis, you wait for the next appointment, you wait for the next test, you wait for surgery, you wait for the sickness to subside, you wait to feel better, you wait, and wait and wait.  Your life changes in an instant.  Gary's dad's news came at us fast but the treatment and recovery will pass slow for us all.

Yes, life comes at us fast.  Sometimes it brings joy and excitement and sometimes it brings anxiety and fear of the unknown.  I am thankful that I walk by faith and not by sight.  I am thankful that God goes before us and will never leave us nor forsake us.  I am thankful for a God who sees me and loves me and will tend to my every need.  I'm thankful that I have the courage to face tomorrow because my savior lives!  Let the storm howl and the dust choke out the sunlight.  Let the moments that change my life flash with the speed of lightening and rage with untold fury.  Let each day tick by slowly as I seek His will and sweep away the doubt and fear.  Come at me fast and pass slow.  With dust pan in hand, I'm standing on the ROCK!

I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.  

                                                                                                                               Psalm 16:8

My inspiration and loves!

Lauren Elizabeth, Crystal, Lindsay, Emily, Melanie, Lauren Beth

Cousins

It's been over a year since we have wanted to do a cute picture of all 7 of the grandkids. This week we finally got the opportunity.  After celebrating my oldest daughter Crystal's birthday, we headed to the park.  Looking back now it might have been a better idea to wait and have the cake and ice cream after the photo shoot.  Fully loaded with sugar from the sweets we set out in 3 separate cars.  (It takes a lot of carseats to get all those kids everywhere.)  We arrived at our destination with smiles on our faces and thankful for overcast skies and a nice cool breeze.  This was going to be great!  


My photographer daughter Lauren gets everyone set with the help of her sister Crystal and the camera starts it's rapid fire of clicks trying to catch that just right moment.  I amused myself by taking pictures of my own of all the action.  That's right, I was of little help with the actual true photos.  When you are the grandmommy you get to do the fun stuff and leave all the fussing to the parents.

First pose baby Lauchlan decides to grab Annalee's hair.  Anna happens to be our most sensitive headed child but no tears since it was baby Lauchlan who dealt the injury.
We didn't last long here before it was time to move on.  Once released from the pose they all took off in separate
directions and immediately thought the photo session was over and it was time to play.  


After a few choice threats by the photographer, they regrouped and moved on to the next pose area.  Mckinlee whines because she has sand in her sandals but I quickly brushed it out and that crisis was over.  It took some compromise on who would hold the baby and who got to sit in the chair or on the ladder but we were still all smiling.  Yippee!

Deuce had a little trouble holding up his letter in this pose.  He likes to play and he loves his cousin Mikey.  It didn't take long for everyone to start complaining in this area.  Seemed that all that sugar made them very sweet and therefore extremely tasty to some bugs.  We are a little itchy at this point but we are still somewhat happy.  I think we might can get in a few more shots before the sun sets if everyone cooperates.  We gather up and head to a less buggy area.

All moved and reset and Miss McKinlee has had about all this picture taking stuff she wants.  Nothing will do, she is just not going to smile.  Mikey clasps his head in disbelief that we have to wait for someone to smile.  













Grandmommy decides maybe it's time for us  to make a silly face picture.  This gives us a little time to cheer up and possibly smile for just a few more shots.  Tanner is too cool to make a face for us of course and Kambri is just trying to hold a pose and a baby.










Looks as though one of those bugs flew up Deuce's nose and when Lauren counts heads she notices someone is missing in this pose.  Uncle Mike is having a good time playing with the baby.  Lauchlan is delivered and the photo taking proceeds.  












                                                          Crystal and Lauren think maybe we can get a quick shot of Grandmommy and all the kids so I hand off my camera to Mike and have a seat.  The wind kicks up a bit and by this time control is soon to be a thing of the past.  Check out Deuce in the bottom left corner of this picture.  The final blow is being dealt to Mikey's tummy as baby Lauchlan looks on!  Smiles turn to tears and it's unanimous, THAT'S A WRAP!  

So at the end of the day, Lauren did manage to get some good shots and we made a fun memory.  Now it looks like maybe we should go and work on our spelling!

Gone But Not Forgotten

Dust Devil

On March 27, 2009 I posted the blog which I have added below.  I was just beginning to experiment with blogging.   The site isn't available anymore but I am able to access my old blogs.  The day I wrote this my emotions were swirling like a plastic grocery bag caught up in a West Texas dust devil.  (For those of you on the other side of the globe, the photo on the right is to help clarify "dust devil")  Thanks to some wonderful counseling from my sweet friend Jay I made it through a really tough few weeks.  The words below are all still true but they don't sting nearly as much today as they did then.





My Daddy died last Sunday.  The memories are bitter sweet.  As a little girl I couldn’t have loved my daddy more. As a teenager there was disappointment.  As a young woman a glimmer of hope which was shadowed again with more disappointment.  Now I’m 50 and I loved my daddy and I will miss him but I’m left with feelings that I don’t know what to do with.  He loved BIG.  He was human and he failed at much just like the rest of us.  He loved the Lord and for that I am grateful.  I know I will see him in heaven.  In death as in life he left me wanting just a little more of him for me.  I miss my daddy but then I have missed him for most of my life.  Unanswered questions but God knows and I trust in His healing power which I carry within me. 

The healing power of God is a mighty thing.  Yes time helps to ease the pain of loss but God is the "Great Physician" and he alone can heal all our hurts.  I carried around hurt for a long time and locked it away so carefully that even I had forgotten where I had placed it.  When my daddy was gone the box opened and the hurt and anger came spilling out.  God took all of that away and now all that remains is love.  Love for a man who tried his best.  Love for the man that God chose to be my daddy.   Love for a God who ALWAYS gets it right.

The Battle Within

I'm far from a poet but I wrote this the other day and I'm following up my post from earlier in the week with it.  So for all you literary types or English professionals you will have to overlook any rhythm missteps.  I just write it down as it comes to me and it isn't always pretty!  My senior English teacher, Miss Morgan would roll over if she saw some of the stuff I've posted.  So apologies to her.  She did try her best to educate me.

The battle is raging though my eyes cannot see
My mind keeps on screaming, "Let me be free!"
Flee from my memory and remind me no more
Stop standing and waiting crouched at my door


Long ago demons I thought were at rest
The struggle is frequent and unrelenting at best
They stir up my memories and mess with my mind
They spin me in circles and leave my eyes blind


Like a heavy black fog they creep into my dreams
Though I try to call out they silence my screams
They lurk in the scents and the tunes of my past
They cling and they claw with a grip that's so vast


So once again in full armor I struggle to stand
I draw out my sword and with bible in hand
I face down my enemy and retreat no more
I press ever forward and shout from my door


"That is not who I am or forever will be.
That is simply the old and the worst part of me!
God Cleansed me and gave me a robe of pure white.
His grace gives me freedom to fight the good fight."

Oh Those Funny Phases

Melanie 1987

     When my youngest daughter Melanie was 3, she was captured by a photographer one evening and her picture ended up on the front page of the local newspaper.  Sounds cute and fun doesn't it?  Well, it just so happened that during this period of her life she had a thing for her cowboy boots.  She wore them with everything.  This day she was sporting them with her cute little shorts outfit and no they did not match!!  Not only that but they were on the wrong feet and her hair was a mess. (mostly due to a phase of cutting her own bangs to the scaIp)  I know, I know what could be worse!  Amazing how she still looked precious and no one seemed to think I was a terrible mother.
     Little did I know at the time that this was the first of several of Melanie's quirky fashion statements.  The next one came along when she was around 5 or 6 years old.  She would spend the day dressed in an old maroon nightgown that had been her grandmother's and some size 4 high heels that had been her great grandmother's.  Anytime we needed to go somewhere I would have to get her to change and as soon as we got home she was back in her "special" gown.  I'm not sure how long this lasted but it seemed like forever.
     Next came the roller blade stage.  The downstairs of our house had mexican tile and the stairs were carpeted.  She wore roller blades from dawn till dusk and she would run up and down the stairs in them and hit the tiles full speed ahead.  Those days it was sort of like living in a roller derby rink.  I know, I know, I should've banned them in the house but we choose our battles and after all she WAS the baby.
     If you ever saw the movie "Mr. Mom" you will remember the flannel shirt scene where Mrs. Mom tells Mr. Mom that his shirt needs to go into the dry cleaner hall of fame.  Well, our little Melanie had one of those shirts too.  Her sister Lauren was way into fashion at an early age and I think she still shudders when she thinks of that flannel shirt.  Melanie was more into comfort and she loved her flannel shirt.  I'm pretty sure she wore it 4 out of 7 days a week for close to a year.  I know, I know I could've just hid it but then who could bear to see the panic on her face if she couldn't find it.  Okay, I admit that in all these phases I guess I just didn't have the courage to make her unhappy over something that I was sure would pass with time.  Lucky for us that no permanent damage was done because today she seldom wears flannel and I haven't seen her in roller blades in years but she does still have some cowboy boots she wears on occasion.  

Looking for Lions

Deuce Jordan is ready for bed!

     
Speaking of present day... Guess who's little man wears his cowboy boots every day?  Guess who's little man insists on wearing his belt even with his pajamas?  Guess who's little man wears a dirty, beat up black felt cowboy hat everywhere they go?  I bet you   can guess who is sitting back and enjoying the show!     
    
 I love the way God loves us!  He can bring laughter to our lives from what seemed to be a bit of a struggle.  He lets us remember it with humor and not the frustration we felt at the time.  I'm sure He gets frustrated with our phases too but for some reason I kinda suspect that he looks back on some of it with laughter.  If it's all the same to Him though, I hope He never blogs about any of my phases.  We can laugh about those together someday in private, thank you very much! 

Man verses Malls

     Like much of the rest of the nation, we were hit pretty hard the past few weeks with frigid, icy, conditions.  Gary and I made a planned trip to the Dallas area and got to spend some time with two of our girls.  The roads were so bad that Emily didn't have school and Lauren was working from home so we were actually able to get to see them a bit more than usual.  We braved the roads with some other obviously not so timid drivers and headed to the only logical place to hang out.  THE MALL!  I'm sure Gary would've had some other suggestions for us but after dealing with 7 women for years now, he knows that he would be outnumbered and outvoted.
     Gary has become a master of the shopping malls, shopping centers and outlets around Texas.  He can get us to one pretty much anywhere in the state with expert precision and can even remember exactly where our favorite stores are located once we arrive.  He patiently paces around, stands outside, carries our bags, visits the massage chairs when available and texts us asking, "R u really still in the same store? Where r we eating?  Meet me in 10?".
     Now this has pretty much been our routine for years but I seemed to notice a slight change up this past trip.  Lauren and Emily's boyfriends came along.  Uh oh!  The teams were now even at 3 and 3.  The scene was set for a shakeup.  Normally our dinner conversations revolve around whatever the girls have been doing lately or which store we are visiting next, what items we need to still purchase, and whether we want to go back and get that really cute pair of shoes or keep looking.  Pretty much the only sports we discuss is our shopping game plan.  This night however, there was a ball loose on the fashion runway.  In the middle of a very animated discussion between Emily and Lauren about how the people on "The Bachelor" get to keep their entire wardrobe and how much they are allotted for shopping, Thomas throws a "Hail Mary" pass with, "So who do you think is going to win the Super Bowl?"  LOOKOUT!!!   Emily trips over the loose ball on the runway and loses control of the conversation.  Could this be the beginning of the end of our domineering reign over all things female?  Did someone just seriously mention something unrelated to fashion?  As if in slow motion I watched Blake block the girls as Gary caught Thomas's pass and I laughed on the sidelines and commented on Thomas's very well timed conversion tactic.  His grin said it all.
     Now Gary wasn't too crazy about the idea of the his girls starting to have men in their lives other than him, but my guess is that he is beginning to see that it might not be so bad after all.  I'm also guessing we are going to be carrying our own shopping bags more often in the future.  For the time being though, I'm thankful that I  have a great husband and they have a wonderful daddy who loves us enough to courageously battle the crowds of any mall, fight for the closest parking spots and bravely go where no man should go alone!